Chapter 8: Music & Dance

In the last chapter I went over the importance of communication and the use of
sign language as a means to bond in this critical area. In this chapter I want to
encourage you to use a couple other communication techniques. As the chapter
title suggests, music and dance are tremendous bonding opportunities.

We communicate throughout our lives in many ways. Talking and signing are
obvious ways to communicate, but music and dance are art forms that can often
reach much deeper levels and therefore can carry more meaning.

Music has been a tried and true bonding experience with all six of my children.
In many ways, we influence our children without really thinking about it. We
play music and sometimes we dance to it and they observe quietly. If we just
take it a step further and involve our babies and children in the music and
dance we like, we begin to form a common bond of appreciation.

Music

One of my favorite ways to bond is through music. Rhythms are strong
sensations for babies. Studies have shown that exposure to music – and
specifically classical music – can translate into adults gifted with perfect pitch.
I enjoy playing piano. I’m self-taught and most definitely not a virtuoso, but I
do recognize the distinct advantage possessed by someone who has perfect
pitch. This is something I want my children to have.

Alexandra (our fifth child) and I listened to classical music and watched a Baby
Einstein® VHS for years. Now, she has a most incredible voice and her sense of
rhythm is outstanding. I like to think this wonderful talent is tied to the time we
spent together listening to music when she was an infant. Another great way to
bond is to sing or hum. Don’t worry about perfect pitch or a great singing voice.
Just sing. My children don’t seem to mind my note-challenged voice and indeed,
save for Alexandra, they are often off-key as well. The important thing is, we
share a bond of singing together at Christmas, birthdays, in the car and other
special family occasions.

Once again, I strongly encourage you to bond through all the senses, including
auditory. You never know when it will draw you closer to your child. Use all
the bonding tools available to you and dare to dream of impacting your child
in wondrous ways.

My older children enjoy reminiscing about things we did when they were
youngsters. Even my ten- and twelve-year-olds like to talk about special things
that make them feel particularly close to their mom and me, things we took for
granted. Now that I’m studying and writing this book about bonding, I see fully
how the groundwork that builds relationships is special and meaningful. My
children ask to sing the songs we used to sing when they were little tykes, and
they also sing these same songs to their younger siblings. So sing away!

Dance

Dance also offers many good bonding opportunities with your baby. I
purchased formal ballroom dance lessons for my wife and me and we’ve
been totally blessed by the experience. I was desperate for an anniversary gift
and I knew my wife liked to two-step while I was a marginal freestyle rock-
and-roller. I never expected to enjoy dancing so much, but it’s become one of
my favorite family activities. During the first ten years of our marriage I
wouldn’t even step on a dance floor. Now my wife has to drag me away.
While taking these lessons, I shadow danced the steps with Alexandra (who
was an infant at the time) in order to practice between lessons. I quickly
discovered that she seemed to like the waltz and fox-trot.

As I stated earlier, Alexandra has a wonderful sense of rhythm and is musically
inclined. Now, in her second year of ballet lessons, she spins gracefully about
the house using the dance steps she has learned during her lessons. Is it
possible that our shadow dancing not only created a wonderful bond between the
two of us, but also had the added benefit of instilling the gift of dance in her…?
I like to believe so.

Dance is soothing

Dancing with your child is soothing and comfortable. The music, touch and
even eye contact are strong bonding opportunities. All children relate to music
and I strongly recommend the joy of song and dance. By the way, I recommend
you continue to dance with your daughters as long as you live and your sons
for as long as they will tolerate it.

Humans have enjoyed song and dance throughout history. One of the ways we
bond with prospective mates is to dance. While dancing on a date doesn’t
guarantee that you’ll find romantic love, dancing with your baby does insure
that a life-long bond will exist between father and child. By taking the time to
introduce music to your baby and help her experience the movements associated
with dance, you’re bonding by means that are time tested.

Your baby will surprise you by how much she enjoys this style of bonding.
One day you may be amazed at how proficient she is in the art of music or
dance. Even if life doesn’t lead her that way, you’ll have a special time that the two
of you will remember and I am sure both of you will cherish this bond forever.

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